CGS: Thanks for sitting down with me today.
Zarlax: Believe me, the displeasure is all mine. I'm only here because we need the money.
CGS: Money?
Zarlax: Yes... you know the money you're paying us for the interview?
CGS: I'm afraid I'm not sure what you're talking about.
Zarlax: The only reason I agreed to this interview was because Gary said... Gary you did say they were going to pay us, right?
Gary: Uh... in a way.
Zarlax: What do you mean "in a way"? ... They're giving you cookies, aren't they?
Gary: Lemon tarts, actually!
Zarlax: I don't care what they gave you! I just care that it wasn't money!
Gary: Maybe we could... sell some of the tarts? I'm so sorry Zarlax! I always screw something up, don't I?!
Zarlax: *sigh* Okay, look... don't get upset... let's just get on with this ridiculous interview seeing as we're here already.
CGS: Oookay... So how long have you guys been in the being evil business?
Zarlax: Well, I've been a member of the Evil Galactic Miscreant's Union for, oh, going on 30 years now... though there were those 6 months in 1985 when I let my membership lapse.
Gary: I got involved through the Evil Mentor program that the EGMU offers because my mom felt I needed to get out of her basement and explore the Universe. Also she was having trouble paying the grocery bills, so I figured that could help.
CGS: Interesting. I'd like to delve a bit deeper into those answers, if you don't mind. I'll start with Zarlax first.
Zarlax: Of course.
CGS: You say you let your EGMU membership lapse in 1985, why did that happen?
Zarlax: Well, it's a little bit embarrasing, you see, but I guess there's no harm in talking about it now. At the time, I had only been in the EGMU for about 5 years, and I was still young. I didn't know what I was doing with my life, whether being evil was the right life choice to make, that sort of thing. You understand?
CGS: Of course. I don't think any one of us knows what life has in store for them.
Zarlax: Exactly! Well, during my "crisis of faith" let's call it, I decided I would try my hand at hairstyling. It didn't work out so well...
CGS: How do you mean?
Zarlax: Well, it helped me express my artistic side for sure, however my destructive streak would often creep up unexpectedly. Believe me, there are only so many little old ladies you can shave bald before you get fired.
CGS: I see... so you decided to rejoin the EGMU?
Zarlax: Yes, you see, they finally created a Destructive Artist program to help foster individuals such as myself. It was great!
CGS: Well, that's good... though not so good for our planet, I suppose. Anyway, let's move on to Gary shall we?
Zarlax: You really don't want to ask that questions... believe me, your brain will turn into tapioca pudding.
Gary: I like pudding! Also I like questions!
Zarlax: See! Don't say I didn't warn you.
CGS: Right. So Gary, you mention your mother. Do you think that what you're doing is making her proud?
Gary: She says what ever I do, she'll be proud of me! But personally, just between you and me, I don't feel like I've done much to make her proud. *frowns*
CGS: How do you mean? You seem to have a good, secure job. What mother wouldn't be proud?
Gary: Well, you see... what I didn't mention is my mom is a long standing member of the EGMU herself. She actually successfully destroyed an entire star system once by causing all fusion to cease in the star itself. It's hard to live up to that.
CGS: I can imagine! Well, perhaps you just have to hit your stride.
Gary: I hope that's all it is! Thanks for the reassuring words!
CGS: So now that we know a little bit more about you guys, what are your plans for the future?
Zarlax: Well, personally, once we've managed to secure some transportation off this rocky heap, I have some insurance forms to fill out. Then I will probably be back for a visit! *evil laughter*
CGS: That's... nice. I guess it's good that you like it here so much.
Zarlax: Oh, I hate it... that's why I'll be back!
CGS: Uh... huh. What about you Gary?
Gary: Well, I'm probably going to have some lasagna for dinner tonight and those lovely lemon tarts you gave me for dessert!
CGS: That's great to hear, but I was thinking more long-term plans.
Gary: Oh I see... I'm not really sure. I'll probably continue working with Zarlax, but I have some side-projects that I'm working on... like a script treatment for the Meteoroids! movie!
Zarlax: I can't believe Bay optioned the rights for that game... or even asked you to write a script for it. I still think you're imagining things.
Gary: It involves things blowing up, doesn't it?
Zarlax: Touché.
CGS: Well gents, thank you very much for your time. Good luck and hopefully you find another planet to terrorize in the meantime!
Zarlax: You wish!
Gary: Byeeee!
